Most people who “can’t meditate” aren’t failing — they’re trying too hard. That’s the whole chapter, really. The number-one mistake is effort in the wrong direction: gripping, straining, willing the mind to be calm, which is a bit like grabbing water to hold it still.
The teacher’s correction is the opposite of what your instincts say. Don’t push harder. Push less. Soften the eyes, soften the body, soften the wanting. Any tension — a clenched jaw, a furrowed brow, a tight belly — is a leak: it pulls the mind out of its center and off toward the tension.
And the sneakiest error is wanting to see something. The moment you start straining for a vision, you’ve left the still, easy state where visions actually come. Keep the mind neutral. When it’s time, things appear on their own — he compares it to the sun rising: you can’t hurry it, and you don’t need to.
“Try softer” is a real principle, not a paradox. Psychologists call the trap ironic process — the harder you try not to think of something (or to force calm), the more it dominates. Skills that live in the nervous system — falling asleep, relaxing, flow — all punish force and reward letting go. Meditation is squarely in that family.
If it’s not working, the fix is almost never “concentrate harder.” It’s “relax more and want it less.” Gentleness isn’t the soft option here — it’s the technique.