You use exactly one tool in every single human interaction, all day, for free: words. The teacher thinks we’re shockingly careless with the most-used instrument we own — and he has a great image for how to fix it.
To bind something with iron, you first have to draw the iron out into soft, flexible wire — only then will it wrap around and hold. Words are the same. Make them soft, gentle, sweet — and let them come from a heart that genuinely means well.
— his own line, 1988Soften the wire before you try to bind anything. Then he points out something we forget: kind words cost nothing and never run out.
Loving words are everywhere, in endless supply, free to use — like the air we breathe. Whoever’s got the wit just reaches out and uses them. It comes down to practice.
— his own line, 1992Which means good speech isn’t a personality you’re born with; it’s a skill you train. His distinction is the one to tape to your monitor: it’s not enough to be able to speak — you have to know how. Anyone can produce words; the craft is making them, in his phrase, “vitamins that nourish the heart.” And a wonderfully practical rule of thumb for the mouth that likes to run: praise yourself rather than curse others — better for the room, and better for you.
This is nonviolent communication and basic emotional intelligence, minus the jargon. The insight that the same information delivered gently versus harshly produces totally different outcomes is the entire premise of conflict resolution — and his “free, unlimited, but only if you’ve practiced” framing is exactly right about why so few people actually do it.
The tool you use most, you probably train least. Soften the wire before you bind anything, remember kind words are free and infinite, and aim to be vitamins, not just noise. It’s a skill — so practice it.