Seeing Clearly
Praise and Blame
A 4-minute read
If your peace goes up and down with other people’s opinions, you’ve handed them the controls.
Two travellers were walking the same road as the teacher and his students — a teacher and his own pupil, trailing a little behind. And as they walked, the older one kept loudly criticizing the teacher, running him down at every turn, while the young pupil kept just as loudly defending and praising him. Criticism and praise, the whole way down the road, about the very same person.
That evening the students were buzzing about it — can you believe what that man said? And the teacher gave them a piece of advice that’s aged remarkably well. When others criticize me, he said, don’t get angry or knotted up about it. If you let their words upset you, you lose your footing — and worse, you become unable to tell whether what they said was actually true or not. Just look calmly and check: is there something real here? Then there’s nothing to fear from it.
And here’s the part we always forget — he said the same about praise. When others compliment me, don’t get carried away, don’t let it go to your head. Because if your happiness depends on the applause, you’re just as trapped as the person wrecked by criticism. You’ve still handed the controls to someone outside you.
Praise and blame are weather. Building your peace on them is building on something that changes by the hour.
No one who has ever lived has received only praise. And no one has received only blame — not even the wisest person who ever walked. If both are coming no matter what you do, then neither one is solid enough to stand on. The applause will fade by morning. So will the insult.
This doesn’t mean ignoring all feedback — some criticism is a gift, and some praise is well earned. It means receiving both the same way: calmly, checking what’s true, and then setting the verdict down. Your worth was never up for a public vote.
Recall a compliment and a criticism you received recently. Notice how both have already started to fade.
If neither one lasts, what would it feel like to stop riding up and down with them?
Take a breath. There's no rush to the next page.
Where this comes from
From “Blame and Praise,” based on the opening of the Brahmajāla Sutta.